Formal Letter

Dear Professor Brad,

I am Jane Lin, a year one student from one of your effective communication classes. I am writing this letter in hopes of allowing you to know me better.  I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic with a diploma in integrated facility management. I was actively involved in the diploma’s interest club as a main-committee member, in the publicity department. My responsibilities mainly consisted of bringing the latest updates to everyone and promoting unity within the diploma. My interests in engineering progressively developed as I was given plenty of opportunities to meet professionals in the facilities management industry. It was to my surprise that I saw the beauty of engineering through all these experiences.

One of my communication strengths is the ability to converse with people in small groups. I am an outgoing person and I enjoy the process of getting to know the people around me. I used to attend social events such as faculty camps where students from different courses came together to have fun and created everlasting memories. Starting conversations with strangers is never a major problem for me as I believe in presenting myself as who I truly am.  

However, one of my greatest communication weaknesses is public speaking. My knees go weak and may give way at any moment whenever I see many pairs of eyes staring at me, even if it is just a simple class discussion. I tend to also rap through my content because mentally, I would want to quickly get the presentation done and over with. I believe that the lack of confidence hinders the performance level of my public speaking.

My goal for this module is to obtain the necessary skillsets to become an effective and confident communicator. I look forward to learning and growing together with you and my peers in the upcoming classes!

Warmest regards,

Jane Lin

Updated: 3 Dec 2021 1250hr

Comments

  1. Sharleen19 September 2021 at 09:12

    Hi Jane, I have read through your letter and it is well written and interesting.

    Just a small minor mistake I have noticed but do correct me if I am wrong. For this sentence "My goal for this module is to obtain the necessary skillsets become an effective and confident communicator.", it should be "to become" rather than "become".

    Also, perhaps you can mention the tutorial group you are in for example, T3, rather than saying "one of your" as it might come across as redundant.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jane Lin2 December 2021 at 20:48

      Dear Sharleen,

      thank you for your constructive feedback! I will make the necessary amendments for my formal letter.

      Warmest Regards,
      Jane Lin

      Delete
  2. Houston Tan20 September 2021 at 22:06

    Hi Jane, I have read through your letter and I find that it’s well written.

    Adding on to the mistake that Sharleen spotted, I think that the statement can be improved by saying “My goal for this module is to obtain the necessary skillsets in becoming a much confident communicator.”

    It would also be good if you could change the numeric number 1 to one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jane Lin2 December 2021 at 20:48

      Dear Hong Qian,

      thank you for your constructive feedback! I will make the necessary amendments for my formal letter.

      Warmest Regards,
      Jane Lin

      Delete
  3. Kriston Yeo21 September 2021 at 02:19

    Hi Jane! Having read through your letter, I thought it was captivating and interesting.

    All the necessary content was covered in your letter and it was well written. I like the use of examples for your communication strengths and weaknesses.

    In para 1, I feel that it would be better to capitalize the title of your diploma course, " I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic with a Diploma in Integrated Facility Management."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jane Lin2 December 2021 at 20:47

      Dear Kriston,

      As discussed in class, there is no need to capitalize the first letter of each word for the name of the diploma.

      Thank you for your feedback anyways and for reading my formal letter!

      Warmest Regards,
      Jane Lin

      Delete
  4. Hong Qian23 September 2021 at 07:25

    Hi Jane! I enjoyed reading your introduction. I would like to mention that if you are referring to the name of your diploma, you should capitalise the first letter of each word. Also, I noticed that you double spaced your 2nd paragraph, which may go easily unnoticed, but can come off as informal and lackluster especially if the person you are writing to has OCD. Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jane Lin2 December 2021 at 20:45

      Dear Hong Qian,

      thank you for your constructive feedback! As discussed in class, there is no need to capitalize the first letter of each word for the name of the diploma. I will make the necessary amendments for the formatting of my formal letter.

      Warmest Regards,
      Jane Lin

      Delete
  5. Brad Blackstone30 September 2021 at 18:24

    Dear Jane,

    Thank you for this interesting, detailed and fluent letter. You give clear attention to each topic and provide specific, concrete descriptions. Among other things, you mention this: "...the beauty of engineering." I wonder what that is for you.

    You also clearly explain your perceived comm skills traits and goals for the module. I'm impressed by the fact that you have been honest and self critical in this letter when it comes to your public speaking, and you seem to understand how important it is for you to take each opportunity and make the best of it.

    You can be sure that the goals you mention -- for you to become a more effective cmmuniator -- will be given the space to grow in class. The hurdle for each of us as we move into Zoom mode is to make our speaking interactions more substantive. I'd like to challenge you Jane to help the class do that.

    In terms of language use, this is a fluent effort. My only criticism is the occasional tense issue.

    -- My responsibilities mainly consist of bringing the latest updates to everyone and promoting unity within the diploma. > (past or present?)

    -- I used to attend social events such as faculty camps where students from different courses come together to have fun and create everlasting memories. > ?

    I look forward to reading more form you this term.

    Cheers,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jane Lin2 December 2021 at 20:43

      Dear Prof Brad,

      This is an insanely late reply but thank you so much for your constructive feedback! I will make the necessary amendments.

      Warmest regards,
      Jane Lin

      Delete

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