Formal Letter
Dear Professor Brad,
I am Jane Lin, a year one student from one of your effective communication classes. I am writing this letter in hopes of allowing you to know me
better. I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic with a diploma in
integrated facility management. I was actively involved in the diploma’s
interest club as a main-committee member, in the publicity department. My responsibilities
mainly consisted of bringing the latest updates to everyone and promoting unity
within the diploma. My interests in engineering progressively developed as I was
given plenty of opportunities to meet professionals in the facilities
management industry. It was to my surprise that I saw the beauty of engineering
through all these experiences.
One of my communication strengths is the ability to converse
with people in small groups. I am an outgoing person and I enjoy the process of
getting to know the people around me. I used to attend social events such as
faculty camps where students from different courses came together to have fun
and created everlasting memories. Starting conversations with strangers is never
a major problem for me as I believe in presenting myself as who I truly am.
However, one of my greatest communication weaknesses is public
speaking. My knees go weak and may give way at any moment whenever I see many
pairs of eyes staring at me, even if it is just a simple class discussion. I tend
to also rap through my content because mentally, I would want to quickly get
the presentation done and over with. I believe that the lack of confidence hinders
the performance level of my public speaking.
My goal for this module is to obtain the necessary skillsets to become an effective and confident communicator. I look forward to learning and growing together with you and my peers in the upcoming classes!
Warmest regards,
Hi Jane, I have read through your letter and it is well written and interesting.
ReplyDeleteJust a small minor mistake I have noticed but do correct me if I am wrong. For this sentence "My goal for this module is to obtain the necessary skillsets become an effective and confident communicator.", it should be "to become" rather than "become".
Also, perhaps you can mention the tutorial group you are in for example, T3, rather than saying "one of your" as it might come across as redundant.
Dear Sharleen,
Deletethank you for your constructive feedback! I will make the necessary amendments for my formal letter.
Warmest Regards,
Jane Lin
Hi Jane, I have read through your letter and I find that it’s well written.
ReplyDeleteAdding on to the mistake that Sharleen spotted, I think that the statement can be improved by saying “My goal for this module is to obtain the necessary skillsets in becoming a much confident communicator.”
It would also be good if you could change the numeric number 1 to one.
Dear Hong Qian,
Deletethank you for your constructive feedback! I will make the necessary amendments for my formal letter.
Warmest Regards,
Jane Lin
Hi Jane! Having read through your letter, I thought it was captivating and interesting.
ReplyDeleteAll the necessary content was covered in your letter and it was well written. I like the use of examples for your communication strengths and weaknesses.
In para 1, I feel that it would be better to capitalize the title of your diploma course, " I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic with a Diploma in Integrated Facility Management."
Dear Kriston,
DeleteAs discussed in class, there is no need to capitalize the first letter of each word for the name of the diploma.
Thank you for your feedback anyways and for reading my formal letter!
Warmest Regards,
Jane Lin
Hi Jane! I enjoyed reading your introduction. I would like to mention that if you are referring to the name of your diploma, you should capitalise the first letter of each word. Also, I noticed that you double spaced your 2nd paragraph, which may go easily unnoticed, but can come off as informal and lackluster especially if the person you are writing to has OCD. Cheers!
ReplyDeleteDear Hong Qian,
Deletethank you for your constructive feedback! As discussed in class, there is no need to capitalize the first letter of each word for the name of the diploma. I will make the necessary amendments for the formatting of my formal letter.
Warmest Regards,
Jane Lin
Dear Jane,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this interesting, detailed and fluent letter. You give clear attention to each topic and provide specific, concrete descriptions. Among other things, you mention this: "...the beauty of engineering." I wonder what that is for you.
You also clearly explain your perceived comm skills traits and goals for the module. I'm impressed by the fact that you have been honest and self critical in this letter when it comes to your public speaking, and you seem to understand how important it is for you to take each opportunity and make the best of it.
You can be sure that the goals you mention -- for you to become a more effective cmmuniator -- will be given the space to grow in class. The hurdle for each of us as we move into Zoom mode is to make our speaking interactions more substantive. I'd like to challenge you Jane to help the class do that.
In terms of language use, this is a fluent effort. My only criticism is the occasional tense issue.
-- My responsibilities mainly consist of bringing the latest updates to everyone and promoting unity within the diploma. > (past or present?)
-- I used to attend social events such as faculty camps where students from different courses come together to have fun and create everlasting memories. > ?
I look forward to reading more form you this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Prof Brad,
DeleteThis is an insanely late reply but thank you so much for your constructive feedback! I will make the necessary amendments.
Warmest regards,
Jane Lin